The ‘ not confident ‘ girl on the train



I love taking the train, you never know who you might chat to, and if you don’t get to chat to anyone, I find the hum of the train relaxing.

Last summer, I was taking the train from Manchester to London.

I was in for a treat as my companion for this journey turned out to be Erika, a lovely 24 year old living in Manchester, working for a large media corporation.

As we chatted about life, Erika shared that she was not completely happy in her role, had recently split from her boyfriend and felt at a bit of a crossroads.

Erika, enquired about why I was taking the trip to London, and I shared that I had been booked as a ‘ Body Confidence Expert’ and would be taking some ladies through exercises which can help build self esteem and confidence.

Erika, immediately said, ‘’Oh I’d love to have confidence’’.

I asked two questions.

1.How do you know you haven’t got it?

2.What would you do if you did have it?

The first question really got Erika thinking, and she talked for a while about how she holds herself back, spends too much time thinking about things, and worries about what could go wrong.

This is not unusual, in a onepoll survey 92% of women said they have confidence problems.

In response to the second question, What would you do if you did have confidence? Erika began to create a list of the things she thought she would do if she did have confidence. The list was long, and included:

  •  Discussing a move in role with her manager
  • A pay rise
  • Joining a new fitness group
  • Making plans for the future
  • Dating again

A list which many of us could or would have created at some stage in our lives.

With the list created we had another hour of our journey to explore and discuss what and how to make it happen.

As we chatted, Erika recognised that it was not a lack of confidence she had but more  she had some self doubt.

We talked about the conversation she would have with her manager, and the more we discussed it, the less scary it became. All of a sudden the a-ha moment came when she realised she was completely capable of having that conversation and that she was going to do it.

Taking away the thought that ‘ I couldn’t do that ’ and giving space to the thought ‘ How would I make that happen ’ is enormously powerful, and opens the mind up to finding solutions.

When Erika left the train that day, her outlook and world had changed, she had a new view on what her next steps were about to be.

She actually felt excited, and I could see it in her, she was glowing as she recognised all these things were possible, and she could actually do them, she felt in control.

But what had actually changed?

In some ways nothing had changed, but then everything had changed for Erika. Her doubt had gone, and with that she had released the brakes on her life and was able to get moving after being stuck at the crossroads for a while.

She gained clarity, and had a sense of purpose, she had had a moment of ‘realisation’ that this was all in her control.

It wasn’t that she hadn’t had confidence, it was more that she hadn’t been clear about what she really wanted, and how much she wanted some of these things.

Had you sat next to Erika, who was a gorgeous looking girl it would have been easy to look and make a judgement of a girl, with a great job, her whole life ahead of her and full of confidence.

It turned out this was not the case, Erika was like 92% of other women who suffer from confidence problems.

I have a personal passion for reducing this percentage and releasing women from the restrictions that self doubt create for us.

My next event Cracking the Confidence Code is in Manchester on the 18th March Cracking the Confidence Code


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